Beautiful Disaster
by Doctor Addison Montgomery
Summary: My entry for the SamPhil fanfiction contest. Sam and Phil look back over their relationship and how it has changed over the years. Songfic. Please review. Vx


**Beautiful Disaster**

_He drowns in his dreams_

_An exquisite extreme, I know_

_He's as damned as he seems_

_More heaven than a heart could hold_

_And if I try to save him_

_My whole world could cave in_

_It just ain't right, Lord it just ain't right._

She'd hated him. And he'd hated her. Maybe more, maybe less but they had still hated each other. Somehow it had all changed, neither of them could remember exactly how and why but something had altered between them for the better. They had both been through so much in the time that they had known each other that their friendship had become a very close and strong one. At the beginning Sam had wondered if it would ever become more than just a friendship. She had soon forgotten about that idea or perhaps fantasy though because there were far too many women drifting in and out of Phil's life for her to ever have a place in his heart. Their friendship had someone lasted and grown through the years even though they had had more ups and downs than either of them could count or remember. Things had really begun to change for the better when they were trapped in the tunnels after Phil had been shot by Dennis Weaver. It was then, and only then that although he pretended to hate her, Sam realised that Phil was actually becoming attracted to her. The only thing Sam wanted when he had tried to kiss her was to kiss him back, every fibre of her had wanted it but another more rational part of her had refused to be just another woman in Phil Hunter's life. For a while Sam thought she was going to lose Phil and she couldn't have felt more relief when they were rescued and Phil made a full recovery. From then on their friendship had become stronger and stronger, until unrequited love began to creep in.

_Oh but I don't know_

_I don't what he's after_

_But he's so beautiful_

_Such a beautiful disaster_

_And if I could hold on_

_Through the tears and the laughter_

_Would it be beautiful or just a beautiful disaster?_

After the support Phil had given Sam during the time when her daughter had been abducted she had felt herself very close to falling for him. Little did she know that Phil was feeling exactly the same way about her too. Eventually things began to fall into place for them romantically but then Kate Maltby turned up and told Phil was pregnant and somehow he managed to get back together with his ex wife Cindy Hunter. Sam felt used and sidelined by Phil and saw no point in hiding how that had made her feel from him. It was a significant time for them both as they both realised that they had missed their chance to be together. Everytime Phil was with Cindy he wished it was Sam and he hated feeling that he was beginning to return to his old ways. Sam swore off men for a while and concentrated on her daughter and new grandson instead. It took a long time for their friendship to get back on track after this.

_He's magic and myth_

_As strong as what I believe_

_A tragedy with_

_More damage than a soul should see_

_And if I try to change him_

_It's so hard not to blame him_

_Hold on tight, baby hold on tight._

Just when they were starting to be able to trust each other and spend more time together as friends again things went downhill once more. Things were officially over between Cindy and Phil and it was for good this time. She had wanted to have children with him but it was too much of a commitment especially when he knew his heart wasn't in it and belonged with someone else. After what had happened with Kate and Steve, Phil was almost relieved. He didn't love Kate and he would only have married her to provide a stable upbringing for Alfie but he knew Kate's family would be able to be more supportive than he ever could. Sam had been his rock throughtout the whole time and it made him fall even harder for her but he had no idea how to make her see how in love with her he was because he couldn't bear to be rejected by her again. So he returned to his old ways to try and block out the pain which ended up with him sleeping with solicitor Heather Lees. The look on Sam's face when she found out had made him hurt so much more and he realised that she was still in love with him and he'd gone and thrown it away. Things gradually started getting better once more until Stuart Turner arrived. There was no denying his attraction to Sam and Phil couldn't help but feel possessive and jealous. He loved her and he knew that at some point she had been in love with as well. Fortunatley for Phil Stuart didn't last long in Sun Hill, he was unpopular and no one was too upset when he transferred to the Kidnap Unit. Sam was the most affected by the news and felt let down again but it didn't hurt as much as when she had felt betrated by Phil, she had never loved Stuart the way she still loved Phil.

_Oh but I don't know_

_I don't what he's after_

_But he's so beautiful_

_Such a beautiful disaster_

_And if I could hold on_

_Through the tears and the laughter_

_Would it be beautiful or just a beautiful disaster?_

One day in early August, Sam and Phil were assigned to work an obbo together by DCI Meadows. Both of them were wary about working together again. There were so many things left unsaid between them but if the obbo took a while maybe they would finally be able to have the conversation that they had been putting off ever since Stuart's departure.

"Are you okay?" Phil asked, once they had parked where they could get a good view of the house they were watching whilst not being spotted.

"Yeah thanks, and you?" She replied, everything felt so formal which was unusual with Sam and Phil who could talk non stop for hours if given half the chance.

"I'm fine." He said, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel.

"Good." Sam smiled, then looked at her watch.

"Am I boring you already?" Phil asked jokingly.

Sam laughed. "No, I was just wondering what time it was and what time the suspect is likely to get up."

"Oh right, well it's seven fifteen now, I doubt he'll be up before eight, which means we've got at least forty five minutes to kill."

"Yeah." Sam replied. Three quarters of an hour was a long time to sit in awkward silence.

"I'm sorry about Stu...art." Phil said a little while later. "I know you cared about him."

"Thanks, I know how much you hated him." Sam said, touched that he still cared.

Phil smiled ironically. "I never gave him the chance, he might have been an alright sorta bloke but when he got interested in you I felt jealous and there was no way I could ever like him after that."

"Thanks, I think." Sam said, finally Phil was being honest with her."

"Look there he is!" Phil said, picking the camera as the suspect appeared bringing their conversation to an abrupt close.

_I'm longing for love and the logical  
But he's only happy hysterical  
I'm searching for some kind of miracle  
Waited so long  
I've waited so long  
He's soft to the touch  
But frayed at the end he breaks  
He's never enough  
And still he's more than I can take_

The obbo had turned serious and Sam and Phil had had to radio in for back up, Zain and Phil sent Sam home when things turned nastier but she was reluctant to go but Phil was concerned for her safety and almost forced a uniformed officer to take her home. Sam was touched but his protective side that he was showing her, she began to wonder if she deserved it after what Phil had told her about Stuart. She couldn't believe how she hadn't realised that Phil only hated Stuart because he was interested in her, it all seemed so obvious to her now. When Sam got home later that afternoon after the uniform had dropped her off she made herself a cup of tea and sandwich before going to shower. She was just wrapping a towel around herself when her phone rang. She went into her bedroom to answer it, her wet hair sending droplets of water everywhere.  
"Hello?" She answered  
"Hey Sam, it's Phil." Came the familiar and reassuring voice. "Is it okay if I come over?"  
"Sure but I've only just got out of the shower."  
Phil paused. "It's okay, if I've caught you at a bad time don't worry."  
"It's alright, come on over."  
"Thanks Sam, see you soon."  
"Bye Phil." She said but she was talking to the dialing tone.  
Sam went to put her dressing gown on and wrapped her damp hair up in a small towel. Not more than ten minutes later the doorbell sounded. She had never been more relieved to see Phil.  
"What happened to you?" She asked, stepping close to him and running her fingers over his cut and bruised face.  
"Things got worse after you left, thank God you were here. If anything had happened to you..." He tailed off, looking at her properly for the first time since he had arrived. Sam blushed, embarrassed by her appearance.  
"I didn't get time to change..." She began.  
"It's okay." He smiled. "You're beautiful Sam."  
She smiled, taking his bruised and beaten face in her hands. "You're a disaster Phil!" She kissed him gently, and he kissed her back. They both wondered why they hadn't ever done that before. "But I love you."  
"I love you two." He said and all of the mistakes of the years they'd spent together as friends, as enemies and as rivals slipped away and they stood holding each other in their arms as lovers.

_Oh but I don't know_

_I don't what he's after_

_But he's so beautiful_

_Such a beautiful disaster_

_And if I could hold on_

_Through the tears and the laughter_

_Would it be beautiful or just a beautiful disaster?  
He's beautiful.

* * *

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Here's my competition entry for the Sam/Phil fanfiction contest on Phil4Sam msn group! Well done to Emma who came first and Maz who came third and everyone who entered. You did great! Vikki x 


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